How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
