I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
