Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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