I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
