go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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