you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
