p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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