Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
