He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
