Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
