i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
