dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
