zippers are such a cool invention
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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