There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to make out with him forever
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
