If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize