once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
