just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
