Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
