dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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