I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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