I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
