Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
