I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
