it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
