She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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