Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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