I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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