There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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