Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
