she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
