I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
