Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize