and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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