"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
