Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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