she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
