nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize