Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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