The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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