seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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