so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
