You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think I just sharted jello shots
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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