you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
