i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
