she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
