I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
