only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
