the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I want her autograph on my taint
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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