If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
