I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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