I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
