I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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