she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
