Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
