Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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