The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
