he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
