so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
