She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
