we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
