I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize