Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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