Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
