I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
