just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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