I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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