Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
