I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
third nipple confirmed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
