my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
