the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
should my penis look like a turkey
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
