One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize