She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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