im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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