saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
